The Great Right North

Canadian liberals are pretty upset over the role their Conservative[1] government played in knocking Obama off his pulpit this week. It appears to be developing into a nasty little scandal – at least by Canadian standards. Now, because this story came from Canada you may have already forgotten what the flap was about, so let’s refresh your memory. Somebody from Canada said that somebody from Obama’s camp told them not to get too upset over The Freshman Messiah’s anti-NAFTA rhetoric. He was just posturing. The Cloak Of Canadian Invisibility lifted for just a moment, the Media actually payed attention and Obama lost a big chunk of his halo. Undoubtedly this came as a shock to all involved: something said to the Canadian Government actually made the news? This story was a huge boon for the Clinton camp, but it’s also a bonanza for those of us who live on that frosty border to use up some of our vast store of Canadian jokes, so here we go.

Now, Canada is that country to our north, beloved by Hollywood Liberals and Snowmobilers whom nobody ever pays attention to unless we want to go fishing or hunting[2] or threaten to flee there in a fit of post-election pique. Their claim to nationhood is entirely predicated on the fact that the English found them too bland[3] to bother keeping and eventually cut them loose without a fight or even harsh language.[4]

Because their motto is “We’re Not America And That’s Cool, Eh?” they suffer from a deep and well-deserved inferiority complex[5], so you’d think that they would be flattered that:

a. Somebody’s actually paying attention to their frigid Nationsickle for a change.
b. Their government actually did something that made a difference.

But no. They’re peeved.[6] And this is where it gets good. Really good!

In an editorial published in yesterday’s Guardian Unlimited, a fellow named Jeet Heer suggests the whole NAFTA leak deal was a plot by the Canadian Conservative Government in cahoots with American Neocons to hurt Obama. Go ahead and read the article, it’s nonsense. But in case you miss the best part, the Beast offers it below.

This is the Author, Jeet Heer. And in case you were wondering “Gee, didn’t I beat him up once in the sixth grade?” the answer would be “Probably yes.” But if not him then somebody just like him.

And these are his credentials:

Jeet Heer is writing a doctoral thesis on the cultural politics of Little Orphan Annie at York University in Toronto. He is co-editor, with Kent Worcester, of Arguing Comics: Literary Masters on a Popular Medium (University Press of Mississippi, 2004). comicbookguy.jpg
With Chris Ware and Chris Oliveros, he is editing a series of volumes reprinting Frank King’s Gasoline Alley, three volumes of which have been published by Drawn and Quarterly under the umbrella title Walt and Skeezix. He is also the editor of Clare Brigg’s Oh Skin-nay and is writing the introductions to a multi-volume series reprinting George Herriman’s Krazy Kat. His essays have appeared in the Virginia Quarterly Review, the Literary Review of Canada, the American Prospect, the Boston Globe, and many other publications.

So it looks as if Republicans aren’t popular with Comic Book Professors in Canada. Worse still, we’re in cahoots with Canadian Conservatives. It’s kinda like when Catwoman, the Penguin, the Joker and The Riddler all got together in the original (and best) Batman Movie, right Jeetie? And if Obama’s Batman then maybe YOU could be The Boy Wonder!

Bet you got a set of those tights in XXXL stashed away in your closet, don’t you, Jeetie?


NOTE: To return to the original spot in the column simply click the footnote numeral again.

[1]Yes they actually do have a government and it’s run by a party that calls itself “Conservative” but that’s according to Canadian standards. The Canadian political yardstick begins with Karl Marx and ends somewhere around a lightly less sober Ted Kennedy.

[2]Provided you don’t mind being raped for $400 dollar a day guide fees that will grant you the privilege of being led around the Tundra by a drunken Frenchman all day (or Scotsman in New Brunswick).

[3]This is their flag. In case you are wondering, yes. It’s a leaf. Their national symbol is a leaf. And what’s worse, they fought for years over it. Canadians actually get upset over these kinds of things. Go figure.

[4]Canada is the national equivalent of that shrunken-chested nerd who bumps into the Prettiest Girl In High School one day and when she asks him “Don’t I know you?” replies “Well, we’ve been in the same class since second grade.”.

[5]Canada is the North American Brand X. They’re number two, but it’s not because they try harder.

[6]“Peeved” is about the most intense Canadians ever get. Unless it’s a debate about leaves – that really sets em off!

Categories: World Events


16 replies

  1. Well now, don’t get your panties all the way up your crack.

    Some of us Canadians don’t mind having americans pay $ 400 for proper guidance…like we don’t mind feeding them $6/lb lobster, common courtesy and overall acceptance.

    Don’t put all of us in the same boat…and i won’t say that MOST americans( more than 50% of voters ) tried to get Kerry into office…cos that would be retarded, wouldn’t it?

    Our CTV news had the balls to show the world what was up, while so many other things get swept under the rug…

  2. Oh come on admit it – you’re thrilled to see the word “Canada” anywhere outside your borders without the word “Dry” after it.

    The Beast lives on the Kebbek border and never gets to make Canadian jokes. It’s all in good fun.

  3. We might be able to agree on a few things about Quebec, i’m from NB, so i empathise.

    But to say that you take guided tours from Scotsmen* in NB is pretty funny, considering most of the * Loyalists * live in the cities.

  4. The beast Dad loved fishing NB and his guide was always some Scots Dude. Or Irish if he went to Newfoundland.

    BTW – any of you who wants the XHTML code to do your own footnotes on your posts in the future email the Beast and he will send them to you. They were a pain to figure out how to get em working right – it’s basically cut and paste once you have em written up correctly.

  5. We are clear that the Canadian government didn’t actually knock him from his pulpit, right? It wasn’t Obama’s staffer that made the remarks, it was one of Clinton’s. Their own mistake.

  6. Sorry Wes, no. What happened was that PM Harper’s chief of staff misremembered the Rioux memo and then misdescribed it to reporters. He erroneously attributed to the Clinton campaign what was actually said by the Obama campaign. A second leak – probably originating in the Canadian embassy in Washington – then corrected the record. But the actual Rioux memo has now been seen by enough people that we can be sure of its content: It was indeed Obama’s aide Austan Goolbee who described his campaign’s Nafta-bashing as “positioning” rather than “policy.”

    And why is Obama keeping Goolsbee silent on the matter?

  7. “But the actual Rioux memo has now been seen by enough people that we can be sure of its content: It was indeed Obama’s aide Austan Goolbee who described his campaign’s Nafta-bashing as “positioning” rather than “policy.””

    well said…

  8. Thanks but those are David Frum’s words. Cut and paste job – looks like wordpress stripped the tags. That’s what happens when you try to get fancy.

  9. Speaking of Obama, did you see this blog entry on Obama supporter Jeffrey Hart and the somewhat bizarre things he has to say about Jews. After the Powers “monster” line, is this next?
    Obama Supporter Jeffrey Hart Misses Jews

  10. Staige welcome to Conclub. The Beast is reading the link now but having trouble getting the gist. Maybe it’s too late at night. As a NH resident the Beast has long been a fan of DR (a close buddy started the original push to rename the Dartmouth Indians the Dartmouth Avocados after they decided to take the “racism” out of the name) but the Beast is also an alum of UNH, not Dartmouth.

    Let’s try looking at it in the morning, then the Beast will opine. Fair enough?

    Update (Sunday Morning): Looked at the link again and really don’t see much red meat for either side. Hart’s a 77 year old Obama “Conservative” living in Lyme NH and seems to have fallen prey to the typical scourge of old men: nostalgia. Yes, he talks about Jews in the various schools he attended, but not in an overtly pejorative way. Doubt it will come to much, but thanks for the link to an interesting site.

  11. I do not know if I get the gist of it either Staige. I went to CU where there were girls, skiing, bars, football and Marxists in the Econ Dept. So the only ins-and-outs I gleaned of elite eastern universities was limited to my reading God and Man at Yale.

    I will say that Barry Obama’s friends and advisors have some interesting views on Jews and Israel. From Power to Brzezinski theirs is a Palestinian tilt. Obama’s own preacher along with his endorser Calypso Louie Farrakhan have their own odorous tinge towards Jews.

  12. Pg Dartmouth is a fairly self-contained world and they tend to forget that not all Americans are cognizant of The History of the “Dartmouth Review” (A much reviled conservative independent student newspaper)or their illustrious Professoriate. The Beast blames geography – it’s way up in the mountains at the top of the state by the Vermont border, and probably snowed in solid right now.

    One thing the beast does remember about Dartmouth is that, unlike Plymouth State or UNH, whenever he went there he never got laid.

  13. In Newsweek, Fareed Zakaria has an excellent column assailing Obama and Clinton for what he calls their “dangerous and ill-informed rhetoric about trade.” He rightly points out that both candidates are dragging voters “into the swamp of ignorance and fear.”

    As for the Obama defense, that he doesn’t really mean what he says, Zakaria is dismissive: “It is an odd defense of candidates promising change, honesty and a new approach to politics to say that they are being cynical and hypocritical.”

  14. Yo Beast, thanks for taking a gander.
    I reckon the point about Hart, is it’s the soft anti-semitism of patronization. Maybe not something to scream to the rooftops, but if you read the full article he wrote (not just the quote in the blog), it’s clear that the guy has a weird Jew-fetish. Granted (or granite, as I’m sure they say at Dirtmouth), he’s 77. So maybe we’ll cut him some slack. Also, follow some of the older links on M. Thomas Eisenstadt’s blog and you’ll see that Hart was involved in the Goeglein plagiarism scandal (he was the one first plagiarized, but as Eisenstadt figured out, he didn’t seem too bothered by it….maybe ‘cuz he didn’t want people digging up his other nutty Review articles about them dang blasted smart Jews.

  15. Excellent point DFV – yet another example of why the Freshman Saint is past his Messiah shelf life.

  16. Staige thanks for the link, it brought back a lot of fond memories. Actually the Beast did follow the links and did read everything.

    The fact is that, while the media dam has finally sprung a few leaks, there is still huge inertia in the press concerning L. Ron Obama. The Beast seriously doubts patronizing comments made by a septuagenarian in his dotage aimed at Jewish students from the 1950’s will excite the fourth estate.

    Still, feel free to continue to work the angles and please come back (and comment) frequently!

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