Canadian liberals are pretty upset over the role their Conservative government played in knocking Obama off his pulpit this week. It appears to be developing into a nasty little scandal – at least by Canadian standards. Now, because this story came from Canada you may have already forgotten what the flap was about, so let’s refresh your memory. Somebody from Canada said that somebody from Obama’s camp told them not to get too upset over The Freshman Messiah’s anti-NAFTA rhetoric. He was just posturing. The Cloak Of Canadian Invisibility lifted for just a moment, the Media actually payed attention and Obama lost a big chunk of his halo. Undoubtedly this came as a shock to all involved: something said to the Canadian Government actually made the news? This story was a huge boon for the Clinton camp, but it’s also a bonanza for those of us who live on that frosty border to use up some of our vast store of Canadian jokes, so here we go.
Now, Canada is that country to our north, beloved by Hollywood Liberals and Snowmobilers whom nobody ever pays attention to unless we want to go fishing or hunting or threaten to flee there in a fit of post-election pique. Their claim to nationhood is entirely predicated on the fact that the English found them too bland to bother keeping and eventually cut them loose without a fight or even harsh language.
Because their motto is “We’re Not America And That’s Cool, Eh?” they suffer from a deep and well-deserved inferiority complex, so you’d think that they would be flattered that:
a. Somebody’s actually paying attention to their frigid Nationsickle for a change.
b. Their government actually did something that made a difference.
But no. They’re peeved. And this is where it gets good. Really good!
In an editorial published in yesterday’s Guardian Unlimited, a fellow named Jeet Heer suggests the whole NAFTA leak deal was a plot by the Canadian Conservative Government in cahoots with American Neocons to hurt Obama. Go ahead and read the article, it’s nonsense. But in case you miss the best part, the Beast offers it below.
This is the Author, Jeet Heer. And in case you were wondering “Gee, didn’t I beat him up once in the sixth grade?” the answer would be “Probably yes.” But if not him then somebody just like him.
And these are his credentials:
Jeet Heer is writing a doctoral thesis on the cultural politics of Little Orphan Annie at York University in Toronto. He is co-editor, with Kent Worcester, of Arguing Comics: Literary Masters on a Popular Medium (University Press of Mississippi, 2004).
With Chris Ware and Chris Oliveros, he is editing a series of volumes reprinting Frank King’s Gasoline Alley, three volumes of which have been published by Drawn and Quarterly under the umbrella title Walt and Skeezix. He is also the editor of Clare Brigg’s Oh Skin-nay and is writing the introductions to a multi-volume series reprinting George Herriman’s Krazy Kat. His essays have appeared in the Virginia Quarterly Review, the Literary Review of Canada, the American Prospect, the Boston Globe, Slate.com and many other publications.
So it looks as if Republicans aren’t popular with Comic Book Professors in Canada. Worse still, we’re in cahoots with Canadian Conservatives. It’s kinda like when Catwoman, the Penguin, the Joker and The Riddler all got together in the original (and best) Batman Movie, right Jeetie? And if Obama’s Batman then maybe YOU could be The Boy Wonder!
Bet you got a set of those tights in XXXL stashed away in your closet, don’t you, Jeetie?
FOOTNOTES FOR NON-CANADIANS:
NOTE: To return to the original spot in the column simply click the footnote numeral again.
Yes they actually do have a government and it’s run by a party that calls itself “Conservative” but that’s according to Canadian standards. The Canadian political yardstick begins with Karl Marx and ends somewhere around a lightly less sober Ted Kennedy.
Provided you don’t mind being raped for $400 dollar a day guide fees that will grant you the privilege of being led around the Tundra by a drunken Frenchman all day (or Scotsman in New Brunswick).
This is their flag. In case you are wondering, yes. It’s a leaf. Their national symbol is a leaf. And what’s worse, they fought for years over it. Canadians actually get upset over these kinds of things. Go figure.
Canada is the national equivalent of that shrunken-chested nerd who bumps into the Prettiest Girl In High School one day and when she asks him “Don’t I know you?” replies “Well, we’ve been in the same class since second grade.”.
Canada is the North American Brand X. They’re number two, but it’s not because they try harder.
“Peeved” is about the most intense Canadians ever get. Unless it’s a debate about leaves – that really sets em off!
Categories: World Events